SCIENCE & NATURE
Monkeys don’t need haircuts. That’s science. And nature. The hair on a monkey grows to that George Clooney length and then it just stays like that until the monkey either dies from old age or gunfire resulting from an escape attempt or a general outburst.
If the hair did grow, the zoo would be fools not to include a tiny salon area where people could go to watch the haircuts. I don’t own any businesses – just a bike with no brakes, and I know that much. In the salon there would be look books with several hair options and the monkeys could pick haircuts by pointing and screeching.
They would sit in the chair and read a magazine with pictures and shapes while a stylist works away. Any monkey who flips out or refuses to choose a look from the book is subsequently tasered into unconsciousness. The monkey’s head is then shaved with a 4 guard and he is carried out of the salon on a tiny stretcher.
A neon sign flashes on, encouraging spectators to boo the fallen monkey. And they boo, of course.
“Get out of here, you asshole!”